There's no place like home

I will start this post with this title, and I imagine on June 17, I start a second post with this title.

In 1 month, I will get an a plane and 14+ hours later, as I step off the plane, for the first time, I'll be surrounded by people who look like me. From those who have experienced this, I heard this will be quite overwhelming. I'm already overwhelmed and all I have done is filled out some paperwork and bought a plane ticket.

When I was 17, my parents offered to send me to Korea for a graduation present. I had no interest. Other than the occasional "I wonder if anyone thinks of me" on my birthday, adoption wasn't something negative...just a matter of fact. (Aha! That's where that phrase comes from.) My parents are my parents, my siblings are my siblings, I thought it was silly that people would ask me about my "real" family...my family IS my real family. I certainly got teased about the way I looked, but who doesn't for some physical attribute. I was stereotyped, good at music, smart, drives poorly, takes too many pictures, tans easily...hahaha...and they're pretty much all true, so again...never an issue.

Fast forward 10 years. (College, music teacher, married, move to Texas, get dog) I was fortunate enough to become a mom!! I was DOUBLY blessed to become a mom of twins (this pic, however, is me prego with only one child, who was almost the same size at 2 children). And I hit the jackpot with identical girls. I went from having NO ONE in the world look like me to having TWO girls that looked like me. It was awesome!!

 And then the lightbulb moment...which when I say it outloud seems like the opposite of a lightbulb moment and perhaps it even sounds untrue, but I promise, it's 100% true. A few days, a week? after the girls were born was the first time something occurred to me. I was born. Sounds ridiculous right? Cuz we're all born, duh. However, up until that moment, the phrase "I was adopted" was "the phrase that pays" as my favorite math teacher used to say. THAT was the answer to so many questions:

You don't look like your mom=I was adopted.
Do you know your medical history=I was adopted.
Is your sister your "REAL" sister=Yes, but we were adopted
What's your favorite rice= [FOR REAL??] I was adopted.
 
 AND that lightbulb day...something changed. It didn't change how I felt about my family or how I felt about being adopted...it just felt like I wanted to know a little bit more. After I carried the girls for 7 months, I realized that there was someone out there who carried me for some number of months and felt me kick and roll, just as I had just experienced with the girls. And then perhaps that someone loved me so much, she was willing to make the biggest sacrifice and leave me on a doorstep at an orphanage (if that's really how it went down) so I could have a better life. And I wanted to know more. It's not even about meeting her (or him...why is it so many adoptees only think about "her"?) and needing to know why this or that...it's just about knowing that I had experiences before I came to America that I had never considered before and I wouldn't mind considering them now.

Then I had baby #3...and CARBON COPY (with light brown hair)...super coolest thing ever!! My biggest interest in finding a biological parent isn't asking why...it's seeing what he or she looks like. Maybe this seems superficial, but since I don't even know all the feels I'm going to feel in a month, this has always been the most tangible thing to me. ("Thing" is a terrible word to use, but I can't think of how to describe it. I feel like I'm trying to explain/justify why this is important, but I know my BFF would say that's not necessary so "thing" it is).

Baby #4...can't leave her out. She looks like a twin to one of the actual twins, more than the other twin, so...I have 4 girls that relatively look like me. Pretty neato!!

At one point, I found an adoptees FB page, and we even met. This was a HUGE moment in my adoption thinking. I thought I was the only person who had the feelings I had. In fact, many others felt the same way, while others did NOT have great feelings about being adopted. It was an eye- opening evening...like a white person's eyes...or like mine in snapchat. There are so many things I learned (which I might save for another evening) but I did learn about the adoptee tours. I looked into it last year, but it was too late to go, so I was thinking about it for this summer (2017). And of course, being the procrastinator I am, I decided to go about 3 days ago :) So...here's my first blog entry, and I'm hoping to keep up with it as I have SO many thoughts swirling around and I don't even know how to process everything. I'll be going from Jun 7-17, and I am so excited and equally nervous. I'm so fortunate to have a husband who supports this decision, and a mom who supports my trip.

Back to making some shirt orders!